Five More… Or More

When I started my calorie limit diet, I set myself the “lofty goal” of weighing 140 pounds.  I wasn’t sure I could do it.  I hadn’t weighed less than 150 pounds since early high school.  But I’m close to that now.  And I’m far enough from where I was when I started that I’m ready to show you what the start looked like.

So here it is.  Here’s the picture that made me start this journey:

This was taken back in March, when I was installing the brick wall in my bedroom.  Yes, my posture isn’t helping, and what makes my arm look so big is that it’s smooshed against my side, and blah blah blah.  I can make excuses with the best of them, but the truth is that this picture captures me at the most I’ve ever weighed.  This picture opened my eyes to what I was doing to my body.  This picture was my turning point.  I realized that if I didn’t do something NOW, it was only going to get much, much worse.  This was the picture that got me started.  When I couldn’t bear to include it in my brick wall post and chose to include a lower quality photograph that was more forgiving, I knew I had to do something.  Two weeks later, I started using myfitnesspal.com.

And, twenty-six weeks after that, here’s what I look like now; twenty-two pounds down:

When I recorded some weight loss a couple weeks ago, a friend asked me how I felt and how I liked the way I looked.  I didn’t respond at the time, because I wasn’t sure.  This whole process has been so different from how I thought it would be and trying to answer those questions is more challenging than it should be, but I’m going to try anyway.

The actual weight loss hasn’t been as hard as I thought it would be.  I mean, yes, there were times that telling myself I couldn’t have two 450 calorie burritos for dinner was not fun.  But that was a cakewalk compared to telling myself I didn’t have the $100 I wanted to spend on XYZ.  Weight loss is nothing more than another form of self-control.  Admittedly, self-control is fairly a new thing for me, but self-control with food has been WAY easier than self-control with money.  So in terms of how I feel about being so close to my weight-loss goal, it doesn’t feel real.  It feels like it should have been harder than it was.  I mean, I still eat Taco Bell at least once a week for goodness’ sake.

As far as how I like the way I look… it’s complicated.  145 pounds doesn’t look like what I thought it would. I like that my arms, stomach, and thighs are more defined.  I like that my face is thinner.  I like that I can feel the bones in my butt when I sit on a hard chair.  I like being thinner and healthier.  But I don’t like that at 145 pounds, I can simultaneously see my ribs and some lingering flab on my stomach and butt.  I look at myself now and while I see good things, I also see that there’s definitely opportunity to keep losing.

On Sunday, I weighed in at 145.4 pounds.  I’m just over five pounds from a goal that, when I set it, I wasn’t sure I could achieve.  My current weight is about what I weighed a couple years ago, when I was working a full-time construction job.  It is the lowest I’ve ever weighed  as an adult and I thought it would only be sustainable if I was working eight or nine hour construction shifts.  But here I am, at a desk job, weighing-in at 145 pounds and continuing to lose.  I knew I needed to lose weight (clearly), but it’s strange to look at myself at a weight I wasn’t sure I could get to and see that there’s still work to be done.  I’m here, so close to my goal, and I think I can do more.  And not just think I can, think I should.  It’s a bit surreal.

Discussing weight and weight-loss has become something I do now.  Because I’m not the only one noticing that none of my pants fit anymore; other people notice, and they comment, and because it’s been so much easier than I thought it would be, I feel obliged to talk about it and help anyone who might be on the fence about starting a weight-loss program of their own.  In one of those weight related discussions, someone told me a generic formula she had heard at some point on her own weight-loss journey:  A healthy five foot woman weighs 100 pounds.  For every inch of height, add five pounds.

If I’m about 5’6″ then, a healthy weight for me is 130 pounds.  Looking at me at 145 pounds, I think 130 might be doable.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m proud of what I’ve been able to do so far.  Twenty-two pounds of fat gone from my body is nothing to scoff at, but it certainly doesn’t mean I’m as fit or thin as I thought I would be.  So I’m going to see what another ten or fifteen pounds less looks like… once I’ve gotten used to 140 pounds, that is.  I fully intend to set myself up with a maintenance routine for a while and give myself a little break when I get to 140 pounds.

For now though, while I look at myself and try to wrap my head around twenty-two pounds of weight that was way too easy to lose and a body that looks good, but doesn’t look like what I think it should, I remind myself that twenty-two pounds of weight-loss means I could be holding both of my cats and a five pound bag of cat food and still weigh less than I did six months ago.

And that’s pretty cool.